Some distressing news was brought to my attention this
morning. It appears we have lost the woodchucks, also known as groundhogs, to the Squirrel
Menace.
Apparently these dastardly creatures are behind the recent
theft of flags from the graves of Civil War veterans in New York.
This is a very disturbing development to say the least. Back
in February,
I mentioned my desire to avoid a battle on this front. Sadly, I no longer
believe we have that option. If they are in league with the Menace, as it
appears, we have no choice but to mount a defense against whatever their future
plans may be.
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by this betrayal. After
all, woodchucks are part of a large group of ground squirrels. Still, I
guess my hopeful heart was looking for this to be a Vulcan/Romulan situation,
where despite common ancestry with the Menace the groundhogs were in alliance
with us.
Alas, this is not to be.
I had originally believed that the conflict began in DC in
the early 1940s, when an adopted squirrel was forced to suffer horrifying
atrocities. However, the woodchucks’ choice to go after Civil War graves
may prove that this struggle reaches further back in history. I plan to
investigate this further, so that we may better understand what first cause the
schism that we are now forced to deal with.
As I continue to delve into this harrowing past, I urge you
to be cautious. I have no doubt that these allies to the Menace will chuck all the wood that a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood in our direction.
Be safe.
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