You know that moment in pretty much every suspenseful movie
or television show, where the character is in the parking structure and you
just know that the bad guy is about to jump out?
Well, I’m not worried about assassins or super-spies rolling
out from behind the concrete pillars as I walk to my car. No, the threat to me is much more
terrifying, though albeit of a less imposing stature.
The squirrels have escalated their surveillance.
Going into this crusade, I knew that my anti-squirrel
message would draw attention from the rodent overlords, but I will admit, I did
not think they’d up the battle quite so quickly.
Alas, my naïveté is now gone.
As mentioned in previous missives, when I began
communicating this message of resistance, the squirrels quickly set up
shop in the tree outside my apartment. They’ve followed
my sister to work. And they may or may not have recently deposited one of their
fallen comrades into my parents’ chimney. Reports on this atrocity are still
coming in.
And now they’ve bunkered down in the parking structure across from my office. When
Roomie and I went to lunch yesterday, we found three of them waiting at the
entrance. They were positioned strategically, two
above, one below.
As we walked by, they did not flinch from our stares. They
held their ground, their tiny heads shifting slightly as their cold eyes
tracked our movements.
I’m not ashamed to say that I fear the beasts. It would be
the height of hubris not to maintain a healthy degree of caution. But this is
not to say that I surrendered to their advances.
Nay.
Roomie and I did some reconnoitering and found that they’ve
set up their war room in an opening in the parking structure ceiling. We will
continue to monitor their actions.
Before closing, I must give you this final warning: The
squirrels must have realized that we know their troop categorization because
these new surveillance squirrels appear to be a combination of the CSOF
and Ninja Squirrels. And their starting them younger. These were no hardened,
embittered, old-General squirrels. These were young squirrel babies. Do not,
under any circumstances, allow your guard to drop when you see them. They may
be rookies, but they are highly skilled, acorn-throwing machines.
Be well.
Fight on.
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