It’s been a little while since I’ve written anything substantial on the Squirrel Menace. This does not, however, mean that the danger has lessened.
Nay, it grows more severe.
You see, the squirrels know where I live and have set up shop. Not only is there what looks to be a squirrel habitat in the tree next to my little balcony (seriously, I have never seen that many squirrels nesting in one place), but they are venturing closer.
Recently, Roomie was getting ready for work when she heard a rustling at her window. Glancing over at the noise, she was horrified to see a squirrel holding on to the screen. Just staring in.
The realization that squirrels are not only bent on human destruction, but Peeping Toms to boot, would have been bad enough. But Roomie also is now haunted by the question of how the squirrel arrived there. We live five stories up and, unlike mine which is connected to the balcony next to the squirrel tree, her window is well into the side of the building. There are no ledges around it, nothing but brick and concrete. So, how did the squirrel make its way over there with nothing to hold on to?
Right now, we’re guessing suction cups on the paws or a grappling hook.
Needless to say, she’s been keeping her blinds closed as of late.
And then there is my family. Far off, in another state entirely, they are also being harassed by the little demons. They have a tree of bird houses to further attract the aerial forces we will need in the battle to come, but the squirrels have gotten wise. Every time that my parents put seed out for the birds, the squirrels come a knocking. They pilfer the offering to our winged friends in an attempt to undermine our relationships and sew seeds of distrust among the troops.
On top of this, my father arrived home one night to find a squirrel sitting on top of a garbage can. The creature showed no interest in what was inside. Instead he just sat there, staring at my father. Watching his every move. When my father moved towards the garbage can in an attempt to scare the squirrel off, the little creeper didn’t bat an eye. He sat there, continuing to stare, letting my father know in no uncertain terms that he would move when he damn well felt like it.
I can only assume that these squirrels are studying human behavior in preparation for some kind of body snatching initiative. So, beware, my friends. Beware.
But, worry not! I will continue to bring you news whenever possible. My family will not be intimidated by the squirrels’ heavy handed tactics, whether they come by land, sea or sky.
Together, we will prevail.