It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the weather is getting warmer. And the Squirrel Menace is getting stronger.
Though I completely understand the desire to kick back and enjoy the lovely spring weather, I encourage you not to let your guard down. In the last week, I have received word that the squirrels are increasing their offensive.
My sister observed the following disturbing behavior of a squirrel on the sidewalk just days ago:
I turn and glance at the creature. Looks normal at first and then I see what’s in front of it…The longest worm I’ve ever seen, as long as a shoe string. The squirrel picks up the end of the worm and starts stuffing it into his mouth. He kept going and going, but it was such a long worm…He was moving at a rapid pace, stuffing as much as he could in and when he finally got to the end of it, more than half was in his mouth and the other half was bunched in a ball hanging out of his mouth. He looked at me and ran. Creepiest thing I ever saw.
While many might see this as a just another strange animal story in the city, my sister, being aware of the Squirrel Menace, understood its significance. The squirrels have received information of the F.P.F.’s growing movement against them. In response, squirrels are doing their best to eradicate the pigeon food source, hence their recent attacks on worms. Thankfully, while the early squirrel may have caught the worm, pigeons are not so picky in their diet that this offensive will really cause them any harm. However, our forces, both human and pigeon, would be wise to take note of these new squirrel strategies in order to ensure that the rodent forces never get the jump on us.
My father has also drawn my attention to some rather overt attacks by squirrels against humans currently taking place in Queens, NY. The creatures are getting more brazen and we must prepare ourselves accordingly. But perhaps most importantly, we must remember, we are not alone. (If you don't believe me, just check out Google.) And if we stand together, we can not lose.
At least that’s what we’re hoping.
In the interest of further elaborating the strengths of the pigeon forces, I will now present you with Commando. Please look for more information on decorated war pigeons in the future.