The Naughty List

I love Christmas music. Not really much of a shocker. But, in addition to loving the songs that embody the true spirit of the season, I also enjoy those whose characters seem to be headed for the naughty list.

• This kid

• To his credit, he’s pretty up front about it. But, seriously, kid, a tack on your teacher’s chair and a sugar bowl full of ants? Those are hard to come back from. Of course, I was told that tattling wasn’t nice, so maybe some of those who “snitched on him” are also in trouble.

• Pretty much all the reindeer but Rudolph

• An entire group that shuns the one different kid to the point that he’s not even allowed to play games with anyone. Oh, but suddenly he’s all famous and they’re singing a different tune (well, it’s all the same tune, but you get what I'm saying). I don’t think prejudice and opportunism are really going to get you that high on the right side of the list.

• This grandpa

• His wife gets killed on Christmas Eve by a rouge sleigh and he’s “in there watching football, drinking beer and playing cards with Cousin Mel”?? I mean, there’s putting on a brave face for your family and then there’s plain callousness. I’m starting to wonder if the whole blaming Santa thing is just a front. I’m calling Christmas conspiracy.

• Dave

• There’s some serious rodent favoritism going on here. I get it, Alvin can be a bit of a troublemaker. But to tell Simon and Theodore that they’re doing great, but calling Alvin out on being a smidge flat? That’s not very nice, Dave. This isn’t American Idol. They’re chipmunks. The simple fact that they wear turtlenecks and can carry a tune is reason enough for celebration.

• The Backdoor Braggart

• It gets a little lost in the story of the sweet little boy with the sick mother, who naturally one feels for, but what this song is really about is some guy making sure everyone knows that he’s the one who laid down the money for those shoes. Would have been a much more touching tale if he saw the clerk do so instead.

So, consider these tunes cautionary tales - or, you know, just really catchy - and have a great weekend!