Unenchanted

I love fairy tales. Always have. Whether they’re the happy, upbeat Disney versions or the much darker originals, I just enjoy those types of stories.

Sadly, however, my life is not a fairy tale. And I’m pretty sure it’s my fault for the following reasons:

1. While I love to dance, I’m not that big on going to formalized dance events. Much more prone to the living room boogie.

2. It does not matter how good it looks, I would never gnaw on someone else’s house.

3. I don’t care if he hopped off his lily pad, recited sonnets and brought me a Dr. Pepper – I’m not kissing a frog. I am, however, willing to be just friends.

4. If I awoke from a deep slumber to find someone standing over me, my first instinct would not be to smile, but to throw a fist.

5. I see someone in shining armor I’m likely to assume that they’re either vain or just haven’t actually done anything yet.

6. If any woodland creatures ever showed up in my bedroom to help me get dressed, my gut reaction would not be gratitude.

7. I’d totally be down for a good quest, but if success means I’m bound to marrying a stranger? I’m tapping out.

8. If there’s a bright and beautiful object and I’m told repeatedly that touching it will lead to horror and evil, I’m not going to touch the damn thing. Look with your eyes, folks.

9. A strange wolf tells me that all the really pretty flowers are deeper in the wood? I’m going to say no thanks and run home to stick my carnations in some water with food coloring. Safe AND festive.

10. If I can have all my wishes come true, but only if I turn my back on everyone in my past, I’m going to find some new wishes.

Clearly, the lacking of fairy tale times in my life is my fault entirely. My brain just wasn’t wired to make fairy tale appropriate decisions.

*Sigh*

At least I burst into inappropriately timed songs.

That’s something, I guess.

Anthropomorphic Advice

Welcome to the A to Z Blog Challenge! One month, twenty-six posts, Monday through Saturday. It’s gonna be awesome. Check out more information here, as well as all the other awesome people participating! (A huge thanks to Arlee Bird for the awesome challenge!)

And to kick us off, I decided, why not pick the most fun “A” word ever? Seriously, say it out loud. It’s a good time.

You want to do it together? Okay.

ANTHROPOMORPHIC.

Just good, clean fun.

Plus, who didn’t love stories of such creatures (talking animals, non-living things, natural phenomena, etc.) when they were growing up? The Brave Little Toaster was where it was at, am I right?

It makes particular sense to take a look at anthropomorphic animals on this of all days. The day we all come together in the efforts to completely pull a fast one our nearest and dearest. After all, quite a few of our anthropomorphic buddies were tricksters.

It was through a series of tricks and deceits that Puss in Boots got his penniless master married off to a princess. My favorite of all of his nefarious activities was when he convinced an ogre who owned a castle to turn himself into a mouse. The Booted Cat then ate the mouse and passed off the castle as his master’s. Not very nice, sure, but come on, that ogre fell for the oldest trick in the book. The I’ve-been-told-you-can-do-this-but-I-don’t-believe-it-so-you-do-it-to-prove-a-point-and-I-trap-you? You’re better than that, ogre.

I’ll tell you that thanks to stories of anthropomorphs I have a really hard time trusting rabbits. How about Bugs Bunny? Was there ever a rabbit more accomplished at mental warfare? It didn’t matter if his foe were human or animal. Bugs could trick just about anybody. He often didn’t start the trouble, but he could always be counted on to end it. And then there’s Harvey, another tricky wabbit. Not only was he anthropomorphic, he was invisible. Talk about a double whammy. No wonder poor Elwood kept getting into trouble. And don't go following any rabbits who appear to be running late. I don't care how dapper they look with their vests and pocket watches. No good can come of tailing these fellows. No. Good. 

Ones Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle the Moose are certainly remembered for the ingenuity. Boris and Natasha may have been trained spies, but they were never taught how to deal with the superior intellect of talking animals. But, I mean, who is? A serious hole in the education of all humans. (Teachers, this is really something we should look into.)

So, good luck out there on this April Fool’s Day. I encourage you to keep an eye on your friends, but also on your pets. ‘Cause you just never know when one of them is going to decide to strike up a conversation to distract you from the epic joke they’ve planned.

*Cut to me running off a cliff with an ACME anvil whilst my turtles laugh their shells off*