Showing posts with label literary deathmatch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label literary deathmatch. Show all posts

Monday, August 11, 2014

Literary Deathmatch: Round 2

I have finished another round of editing, which means it break time. For me, break time means two things:

- Binge watching Haven and Emma Approved.
- Trying to decide which literary character would win in a drag-down, knock-out fight.

On the first topic, all I'm going to say is that if you don't watch those two things, you really should. Two very different tones, both extremely awesome.

It's my second break time activity that I'm focusing on right now. Last time I wrote about one of these (not the last time I thought about it - because I think about these things all. the. time.) it was Ms. Bennet and Ms. Eyre donning their boxing gloves. This time, I'm looking at two women of a slightly different moral caliber.


By Airman 1st Class Kerelin Molina [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

"Okay, I'm going to need a pair of these in snow white and a pair
in cotton candy pink. Yes, the contenders are very serious
about their color choices."

In this corner, in starched and pressed white, we have one Nurse Ratched!

This contender is no stranger to wielding absolute power. Through manipulation, guilt, deprivation of food and the occasional shock therapy, she keeps the inmates of Oregon State Hospital toeing the line. Ratched has been known to drive men to suicide, but when she finds herself unable to successfully push someone's buttons, she is not above lobotomizing her foe.


And in this corner, in a stunning uniform of pink - No, ma'am. Wands must be left at the door. Fight rules. - is Madame Undersecretary Professor Delores Jane Umbridge!

Don't let her constant prim smiling fool you folks, this is no demure lady. This contender is a Slytherin alum who not only embraces her bigotry, but ensures that she is in the appropriate position of power to act on it. She not only undermines the education of children, she actively harms them both emotionally and physically. As for adults, she happily sent them to prison with the soul sucking Dementors if she so much as disapproved of their lineage.




Seeing as there is no magical or pharmaceutical tools allowed in the ring, these women are fairly well matched. As they are both concerned with giving off a composed appearance, this fight might be a little slow starting. I would assume that it would begin first with each trying to exercise her uncanny knack for seeing the emotional weaknesses of others. However, when they find themselves equals on that front, a physical altercation will be all that's left.

While in a twisted way, these two women probably have enough similar interests to be great friends, neither will yield when the fists start flying - both see the public loss of face as too cruel a punishment to bear.

Physically, they're both of similar matronly builds. Both rely heavily on the tools of their trade (whether that be drugs and surgery or wands and blood quills) to reach their goals, however, the nature of Nurse Ratched's work likely gives her an advantage in terms of physical strength. The work of a nurse, in general, requires stamina and one would assume that this would be particularly true in a mental institution. It is not unlikely that she has had physical altercations with some of the patients at one time or another. After all, approaching a patient with a needle or pills requires one to get much closer to the other individual than approaching someone with a wand.

Delores Umbridge is not someone who will go down easily - a person evil enough to feel strengthened by a horcrux is not one to be trifled with. That being said, without the aid of magic, I believe I would bet on Nurse Ratched. Despite ruling the roost over at OSH, Ratched lives her life constantly surrounded by men who hate her and never being presented with the option of a quick Stupefy - or, more likely, Cruciatus - I'm guessing she's more physically prepared for whatever's thrown at her.

What do you guys think?

Monday, March 25, 2013

Literary Celebrity Deathmatch



Do you remember this MTV show from the late ‘90s? Claymation celebrities would face off in the ring and quite literally rip each other apart.

Well, I’m going to be honest with you, sometimes I think about book characters this way. Complete with claymation features. And I wonder who would win in a fight.

Take for instance, two of the most classic female heroines, Jane Eyre and Elizabeth Bennet.

In an all-out fight, who would walk away victorious?

Let’s first look at the contenders:


Ms. Eyre:
She had a very difficult upbringing and as a result is a little socially awkward, but very independent. This independence is not simply something she strived for, but a necessity for her survival. And looking at her life, Ms. Eyre is nothing if not a survivor. A trait that would serve her well in the ring. That being said, Ms. Eyre is also exceedingly moral. She is likely not to approve of physical altercations, which may lead to delay in her ring reactions that could result in defeat.

Ms. Bennet:
Though at times dissatisfied with her family, she has lived a fairly happy life, free of turmoil. Her lowest point is when her younger sister makes a dumb decision regarding a gentleman caller. Added to this, though Ms. Bennet is frequently frustrated by those around her, there is rarely a situation where she is left entirely on her own to deal with. When given the choice she is independent, but situations in her life frequently require interdependence. That she is used to such support could work against her in the ring. However, she is more open-minded than Ms. Eyre and while certainly not immoral, more flexible. For instance, she would probably be more willing to alter her skirts, giving her room to sweep the leg. Which always comes in handy in such fights as these. 


Honestly, I do think this would be a rather fair fight. Still, while I would probably rather be best friends for life with Elizabeth, I think I’d have to put my money on Jane for the fight. I think her morality would ensure that she wasn’t taking any cheap shots, but when the chips are down Ms. Eyre already knows how to survive. Ms. Bennet would probably learn more about that from this fight than she has from any other event in her life (that is, if she walked away from it intact).

Who would you bet on?