Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Alternate Bannings

Happy Banned Books Week, folks!

I hope you're celebrating this always exciting time by reading absolutely whatever the hell floats your boat. But if you're looking for other thematic activities, check out these offered by the American Library Association.

In the meantime, while I've been shaking my head in an exasperated fashion over the very idea of banning books, I have come up with a short list of things of which I would support the prohibition:

  • Wedding receptions with more than two group/line dancing songs.
    • Electric Slide, Cupid Shuffle, Cha Cha Slide, Cotton Eyed Joe, the YMCA - the list goes on and seems to be getting longer every year. And let's be honest, even two in one night is probably more than anyone needs.

  • Calling it a "funny bone."
    • I mean, I love ironic names as much as the next person who has pain reverberating up and down her arm. But, maybe we should just stop this. 

  • Accidentally stepping in water whilst wearing only socks
    • I don't know what it is about feeling liquid soak into my socks, but it make me want to destroy all the things.

  • The phrase "You know what I'm saying?"
    • If I make a solemn vow that I will ask if I don't, can this stop being inserted into conversation?

  • Saying "I could care less" when you mean "I couldn't care less."
    • This oldie but goodie drives me bug nuts. We could all care less about a whole slew of things, so unless you're confessing that you're closer to a situation than you'd like, it doesn't seem worth mentioning. And it especially shouldn't be said in the same tone as telling someone to shove it. 

And as a bonus:
  • Squirrels
    • Do I really need to say more?

So, those are some of my bannables. What about yours?

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