Thursday, October 25, 2012

Monsters or Misunderstood?

Who isn’t talking about the possibility of a zombie apocalypse these days? Just plug the term into Google News and check out how many mentions there have been in the recent weeks.

We’re gearing up, we’re preparing. And though, I personally believe the squirrel threat is more pressing than that of the undead, I do understand the need for precautions.

This threat, after all, is ongoing. They even had issues with it a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. So, it’s clear that this is not just some passing paranoia, but a true obstacle that must be dealt with if we wish to ensure quality of life for those who have yet to die the first time.

But let’s not be too hasty in our zombie slayings, lest we forget that the undead are people too. Sort of. For the most part, I do not believe that these individuals aspired to be zombified (though there are undoubtedly exceptions to this statement).

Sometimes they were dragged from their place of rest by another person of magical inclination, a la Billy Butcherson, in Hocus Pocus.

Now, I don’t know about you, but if someone wakes me up from a deep sleep, I am, to put it mildly, not fit to be around. I would imagine that being called from the dead is slightly more jarring. So, can we really blame zombies for being a little out of sorts when they first rise? And to make matters worse, we never even let them fully clear cobwebs from the old brain pan before we start trying to take their heads off. If someone woke me up without my permission and before I could even focus on what was going on a mob of folks were coming at me with cudgels, to be completely honest, I’d start biting people too. Which brings us to another way to create zombies – biting.

One of those guys takes a chomp out of you and it’s pretty much a done deal. You are on your way to being the living dead, at least until that mob gets to you. Then you’ll just be the dead dead. Which let’s face it, is, as previously illustrated, our own damn fault. If we just let the undead acclimate for five seconds before trying to make them twice dead, maybe we’d find them a little less ornery and likely to eat the flesh from our bones.

I’m not saying to run up and hug them. Keep a safe distance, make sure your armed in case things go sideways. Just give them a moment to breathe.

And definitely, whatever you do, do not run away if they decide to break into dance. That just makes them angry.

Again, this annoyance is understandable. Have you ever be part of a performance? How would you feel if folks up and ran away before you finished? Not great, that’s how. Probably a little put out. So save yourself the terrified running through fixer-uppers and be a good audience member (this is just a good rule in general).

And my last bit of zombie-related advice? Watch Shaun of the Dead.

That is all.

Today’s snacking recommendation: Zombie cupcakes

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