Monday, August 11, 2014

Literary Deathmatch: Round 2

I have finished another round of editing, which means it break time. For me, break time means two things:

- Binge watching Haven and Emma Approved.
- Trying to decide which literary character would win in a drag-down, knock-out fight.

On the first topic, all I'm going to say is that if you don't watch those two things, you really should. Two very different tones, both extremely awesome.

It's my second break time activity that I'm focusing on right now. Last time I wrote about one of these (not the last time I thought about it - because I think about these things all. the. time.) it was Ms. Bennet and Ms. Eyre donning their boxing gloves. This time, I'm looking at two women of a slightly different moral caliber.

By Airman 1st Class Kerelin Molina [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

"Okay, I'm going to need a pair of these in snow white and a pair
in cotton candy pink. Yes, the contenders are very serious
about their color choices."

In this corner, in starched and pressed white, we have one Nurse Ratched!

This contender is no stranger to wielding absolute power. Through manipulation, guilt, deprivation of food and the occasional shock therapy, she keeps the inmates of Oregon State Hospital toeing the line. Ratched has been known to drive men to suicide, but when she finds herself unable to successfully push someone's buttons, she is not above lobotomizing her foe.

And in this corner, in a stunning uniform of pink - No, ma'am. Wands must be left at the door. Fight rules. - is Madame Undersecretary Professor Delores Jane Umbridge!

Don't let her constant prim smiling fool you folks, this is no demure lady. This contender is a Slytherin alum who not only embraces her bigotry, but ensures that she is in the appropriate position of power to act on it. She not only undermines the education of children, she actively harms them both emotionally and physically. As for adults, she happily sent them to prison with the soul sucking Dementors if she so much as disapproved of their lineage.

Seeing as there is no magical or pharmaceutical tools allowed in the ring, these women are fairly well matched. As they are both concerned with giving off a composed appearance, this fight might be a little slow starting. I would assume that it would begin first with each trying to exercise her uncanny knack for seeing the emotional weaknesses of others. However, when they find themselves equals on that front, a physical altercation will be all that's left.

While in a twisted way, these two women probably have enough similar interests to be great friends, neither will yield when the fists start flying - both see the public loss of face as too cruel a punishment to bear.

Physically, they're both of similar matronly builds. Both rely heavily on the tools of their trade (whether that be drugs and surgery or wands and blood quills) to reach their goals, however, the nature of Nurse Ratched's work likely gives her an advantage in terms of physical strength. The work of a nurse, in general, requires stamina and one would assume that this would be particularly true in a mental institution. It is not unlikely that she has had physical altercations with some of the patients at one time or another. After all, approaching a patient with a needle or pills requires one to get much closer to the other individual than approaching someone with a wand.

Delores Umbridge is not someone who will go down easily - a person evil enough to feel strengthened by a horcrux is not one to be trifled with. That being said, without the aid of magic, I believe I would bet on Nurse Ratched. Despite ruling the roost over at OSH, Ratched lives her life constantly surrounded by men who hate her and never being presented with the option of a quick Stupefy - or, more likely, Cruciatus - I'm guessing she's more physically prepared for whatever's thrown at her.

What do you guys think?

No comments:

Post a Comment