Friday, February 6, 2015

Working Titles

I knew when I opened up the the moving truck and saw the solid wall of things inside - this was going to be a marathon, not a sprint. And so the unpacking continues!

My new place is definitely starting to look like a home instead of the box fort of a deranged lunatic, but I've some distance to go before every evening isn't spent building my severely lacking upper body strength lugging boxes from one room to another.

One thing I can say for myself, I'm a very specific label-er. When I start clawing past the packing tape, I know exactly what I will find there.

The labels can not, however, tell me why I packed my 
Polaroid camera in a different box from the film. 
But, hey, at least I know where my '80s jacket is. 

Looking at all the labels, I started wondering what my possessions say about me, which lead to other existential quandaries revolving around the art of unpacking. My thoughts all solidified in book titles (naturally) and now, at the very least, I have the title of my future memoir.

  • "Pillows & Books:" The Rests and Ruminations of Kelly Johnson 

Too many boxes were labelled this way for me not to take the hint. And then, of course, there was the expression I kept seeing on the faces of all the lovely friends and family hauling my things out of the moving truck.

  • Fill the Box Entirely With Books; and Other Ways to Get Rid of Those Well-Meaning Loved Ones

Why, Past Kelly, why?

I've taken to just issuing blanket apologies before anyone starts to move anything, despite the wary looks that puts in everyone's eyes.

Once, I started actually getting things out of their cardboard prisons, things really got fun. Going through all the things I've stored for the last two years is like a mix of Christmas and some weird kid's time capsule. Some things I'm so excited to find again, others I'm truly puzzled as to why I ever thought they were worth saving. I'm looking at you 95% empty jar of lotion.

  • Home Stylings for the Nerd Chic

That tome will definitely include the best placement for one's Death Star cookie jar and how to incorporate one's troll dolls in with one's living room decor to form a cohesive decorative theme. Or something along those lines. Furniture construction has also been a fertile ground for future book ideas.

  • They Found Me Crushed: Improperly Fastened Book Shelves and Other Real Physical Threats to Your Average Avid Book Collector

I'm not saying that I've ever been the victim of shelving upheaval. I'm also not not saying it. Make of that what you will.

And finally, there is the piece that I must get back to working on right this second:

  • Never Ending: One Woman's Story of Unpacking

I already know how that one turns out. Spoiler alert: She never finishes unpacking, just gets sucked into a labyrinth of boxes.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it looks like there might be a Minotaur coming around that corner.

Where the hell did I pack that sword?

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