An Age Old Question

I was hanging out with some friends this weekend and, not surprisingly, we circled around to an inevitable topic of conversation: Pirates vs. Ninjas.

The arguments on both sides were well thought out and valid.

- Ninjas are highly trained, while pirates are drunk lay-abouts without any sort of unifying factor.
o Advantage: Ninja

- Ninjas have a code of honor. This weakens them. Pirates with cheat and fight dirty.
o Advantage: Pirate

- It takes a really long time to reload a single shot musket. You know what doesn’t need to be reloaded? The talent for pure stealth.
o Advantage: Ninja

- Pirates spend most of their time on the water. Ninjas are renowned for their sea sickness.
o Advantage: Pirate

This goes on for awhile.

There was one exception to the logical arguments being laid out, a comment made that pirates would win because ninjas don’t exist, nor have they ever existed. The poor, misguided gentleman (name redacted to protect him from any ninjas who might happen upon this post) likened them to unicorns.

Even those siding with pirates couldn’t support this train of thought.

Now, some of you may be reading this and thinking, Of course, I know which side would win. It’s so obvious! How can anyone not know immediately which side is right??

To you, I say, Calm down. Don’t get cocky. It's unbecoming.

For all of you who are still on the fence about it, I would like to recommend a couple of books that a pair of lovely friends were kind enough to present me with on the last anniversary of my birth:

- Ask A Ninja Presents:The Ninja Handbook (Douglas Sarine and Kent Nichols)
- Pirate Haiku: Bilge-Sucking Poems of Booty, Grog and Wenches For Scurvy Sea Dogs (Michael P. Spradlin)

Both are extremely well thought out works, that will, arguably, change your very life.

And yes, you’re very welcome. It has been my pleasure enriching your existences.