Love & Writing on the Big Screen

I’m a sucker for a good love story. And also, of course, for books and writing. So, on this week of Valentine’s, I’ve decided to focus on love stories where books or writing play a significant role in some way.

Today, I present my top ten movies (in the order they were released):

1. It Happened One Night (1934)

They would have just been strangers on the night bus. But, reporter Peter Warne needs a great story to get him back in the game and runaway heiress Ellie Andrews is the perfect subject. I go back and forth between whether my favorite scene is the Wall of Jericho or the one where Ellie illustrates the most effective way to hitchhike. Mostly though, I just smile the whole time I’m watching.

2. The Desk Set (1957)

A reference librarian clashes with businessman looking to cut costs through automation. An early contender in the battle between paper and electronic formats. Plus Hepburn and Tracey! Always a solid bet.

3. The Music Man (1962)

Marion (the Librarian) gets wooed by traveling salesman (read: con artist) Harold Hill. Cue dancing in the stacks.

4. Romancing the Stone (1984)

A romance novelist finds herself in a little bit of trouble when she goes to rescue her kidnapped sister. She finds some help (not to mention inspiration for her next book) in a bird exporter/treasure hunter/aspiring sailor. Can’t watch this movie without thinking of my dad, who, without fail, starts laughing in anticipation about five seconds before Danny DeVito comes on screen.

5. Beauty and the Beast (1991)

He gave her a library. An enormous library. Now, I’m a big fan of flowers. But a library? Yeah, that kind of edges out the normal Valentine’s Day gifts.

6. Little Women (1994)

While the story pulls in all the March sisters, it is truly the tale of Joe, the writer. Her love life is not the overriding theme of this, but it certainly plays its part. And it is ultimately through her written work that she is truly able to open up about her life and connect with the person she wants to be with. Cut to me and my sister sitting on the couch with a couple boxes of tissues.

7. Just Write (1997)

Hollywood tour bus driver gets mistaken for screenplay writer by up-and-coming actress. In his smitten state, he fails to correct the mistake and ends up agreeing to rewrite a movie for her. Very sweet movie. And Sherilyn Fenn and Jeremy Piven are lovely.

8. Moulin Rouge (2001)

Christian came to Paris to write “about truth, beauty, freedom, and that which I believed about all things, love.” About two minutes into the movie, we know that his story doesn’t have a happy ending. But that didn’t stop me from spending the majority of the movie quite happily. Who can resist the struggling writer wooing the courtesan? Particularly when Ewan McGregor starts singing. Swoon.

9. The Jane Austen Book Club (2007)

Not only does this movie deal with its fair amount of couples, but it is all about coming together over the love of books. Nothing more romantic than that.

10. Definitely, Maybe (2008)

A man tells his daughter the story of the three loves of his life. Along the way, she helps him figure out who he should be with. One of the most important clues? A copy of Jane Eyre.

What love stories about writers and books do you like watching?

It May Be Subliminal Messages...Or I May Just Be Weird

So, there’s this commercial. Pretty sure it’s for mattresses. Not positive though because I always stop paying attention after the first line.

I just can’t help it.

A woman’s slightly-stilted voice is heard over the scene playing out on the screen:

“There are no mass-produced humans…”

I think after this she goes on to talk about the need for individual mattresses, but again, I can’t say that with certainty because in my mind her sentence is finished like this:

“…or are there?”

And my mind wanders off into the garden of insanity and I’m picturing this as the opening to a trailer for a movie about clones and the evil overlords who crank them out. I see rows and rows of incubation pods and as the camera passes over them, they all have the same face.

When ready, the pods are zoomed down to another part of the factory and cracked open. Out walks a completely functioning human, ready to address whatever task he was created to deal with in the first place.

And out he walks into the land of unsuspecting, non-mass-produced humans. They’ll never know what hit them.

Then I return to what the kids these days are calling reality and the commercial is over. But the next time it’s up in the rotation….I’m back with the clones.

Every. Time.

The only thing that sometimes changes is whether or not the evil overlords are aliens or apes. (I try not to think of squirrels. It's just too real to me.)

On pretty much every level, this ad is ineffective in growing my interest in the product being sold. But I get excited every time it comes on because, damn it all, I want more information on the conspiracy to cover up the whole mass-produced human project.

And also because I sometimes like to repeat that first line in a robot voice.

Seriously, try it.

It’s fun.

Not-So-Guilty Pleasures: The Brenda Drake Edition

Welcome to the first Not-So-Guilty Pleasures of 2013! Now that we're a month in and have all decided on which resolutions we're keeping, which ones we're throwing to the side and which ones were completely unrealistic to begin with (hello, my thoughts on drinking less Dr. Pepper), it's a great time to go back to those little joys that leave us slightly embarrassed.

Today we're lucky enough to have with us Brenda Drake, author and contest creator extraordinaire. So, let's see what she had to say:

Not-So-Guilty Pleasures

I was raised Catholic, so pretty much everything makes me feel guilty. I kid. Kind of. I do feel guilty whenever I do something wrong. So basically I try, probably too hard, not to do anything that would make my grandmother look down her crooked nose at me. As far as not-so-guilty—and I like that you put the so in there because there will be a smidgen of guilt, it's just my nature—pleasures go, I have many, so I'll just stick to the top five.

1. Contests. I love them. For me, it's a way to give back to the writing community. There's nothing better than hearing all the successes that have come from the contests I've held on my blog. I blame Grandpa Joe. He was such a giving man. If you needed a quarter and he only had a quarter and a dime in his pocket, he'd give you the quarter and suffer with the dime. He was that generous. And I am my grandfather's granddaughter in all ways.

2. Coffee. Hello? It baffles me when someone doesn't like coffee. I inhale it every day. It's either that or vodka, and since I'm not Hemingway, I decided it was okay to be addicted to coffee. Every flavor. Heck, I even like a bad cup of coffee over not having coffee at all.

3. Pens. I must be a secret kleptomaniac because I end up with pens I don't even know where I got them. That's the first thing I go for at conferences, so hold tight to your pens if you see me coming.

4. Disney princesses. I want to be one. Everything looks easy in their world. All they have to do is kill their evil stepmother and live happily ever after without cleaning toilets or losing weight. Seriously. I could watch those animated ladies all day. One can dream…

5. Goldfish crackers. Don't tell me there's a sale on them, because I will drop everything to go buy them. Then come home with every flavor they've ever made. If I put a box by the computer while I'm writing, they're gone before I know it. I'm talking Costco size box here, people! I hate diets, cause they're the first to go. How do I eat my little fishy wonders? You mean, you didn't know there was a way to eat them? I take two and have them kiss goodbye, and then bite their heads off. I should probably think about being a horror writer.

Want to learn more about Brenda? Check out her website or follow her on Twitter (I do and it's a pretty constant stream of awesome).

Middle of the Week Madlibs

Well, it is the middle of the week and I could use some fun and games. If you're feeling the same way, grab a coworker and enjoy my Madlibs below, inspired by a dream from a while back.

He   (verb)   as I came into the room. At least I think he did. It’s hard to tell with specters, what with them lacking real   (body part - plural)  .

“Welcome. It’s so   (adjective)   to finally meet you.”

Maybe for him. I’m still not too   (adjective)   about the whole dying thing. Especially since I found out I still have to   (verb)  .

“Now, let’s talk about your application.”

“I didn’t send you an application.” I definitely would have remembered doing that before the   (noun)   accident.

He smiled   (adverb)   and looked upward. “I get them from the higher-ups. Anyway, you have some impressive skills. Two years of   (verb ending in ing)  , a degree in   (educational field)  . Too bad about the early ending.”

“That did suck.”

He doesn’t pay much attention to my comment. “So, why do you think you’re qualified to haunt the   (adjective)   School for   (adjective)   Children?”

“Other than the being dead thing?”

“Exactly.”

“Well…um…I…” Have no idea. Okay, gotta say something right? “I am a   (adjective)     (noun)   with a strong interest in   (activity)  . And I think I could really bring a sense of   (adjective)  to these hauntings.”

Can’t quite read his expression. Guess that wasn’t what he was expecting.

And now he’s not saying anything.

Finally, he smiles again. “I think you’re going to fit in well here.”

Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave your answers below. I'd love to know what kind of school you're going be haunting.

Let Us Eat Pancakes

Today is one of the greatest holidays of all the holidays…National Pancake Day. That’s right, folks, it’s the day when eating pancakes is not just delicious, but celebratory. And while, I’ve mentioned I’m not much of a breakfast in the morning type of person, I am a staunch supporter of breakfast foods for dinner.

And who can really turn their nose up at pancakes?

Pretty much no one in the history of humanity. Which is probably why pancakes were one of the most common cereal-type foods of prehistoric society.* That’s right folks, those guys gave us the wheel, the application of fire AND pancakes. Kind of makes all our accomplishments pale a little in comparison, doesn’t it?

And, I for one, find pancakes much more impressive than sliced bread, so that saying’s going to change.

I mean, imagine if someone said to you, “You’re the best thing since pancakes.” How flattered would you be? I’d be pretty damn flattered.

Pancakes also show up in folklore. From Norway and Germany, we get pancakes, with penchant for rhyming and alliteration, respectively, on the run. One of the German pancakes is actually quite the philanthropist, willingly sacrificing itself for some starving orphans.

Russia offers us a cautionary tale of greed and a magic handmill which can provide a never-ending supply of pancakes. Who wouldn’t be greedy in the face of such treasure? And then there’s the one about the gossip and the pancake tree. The classic and heart-warming tale of a man, his treasure, and his efforts to make his wife appear insane.

This phenomenal breakfast food can even give you a heads up on whether or not you’re going to get married – provided you have some livestock. Just throw a short stack to the rooster. If he calls the hens over before eating, you’re as good as hitched. If not, you’ll still be able to get up and dance when Beyonce calls for all the single ladies (or gents). If you think it’s unfair that a greedy rooster can determine your relationship status, I suggest you stop throwing him flapjacks and invite other people over for your breakfast feast.

Now, I need to go pick up batter for tonight’s pancake dinner. And, of course, locate my pancake molds.

Wishing you the most wonderful of National Pancake Days! May pancakes waft from the sky to your plate, a la Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs before the climate change.

* Check out the Oxford Companion to Food (1999) or Martin Jones’ Feast: Why Humans Share Food (2008). You’ll look all sorts of educated, whilst in your mind screaming “PANCAKES, PANCAKES, PANCAKES.” At least, that’s what is generally going through my head when I read non-fiction. Regardless of the relevancy. 

Gone Too Soon

We all have those shows we loved that, in our opinion, got cancelled before their time. Shows we think up with a mixture of wistfulness and despondence. They were just so…..great. And now they’re gone.

*Brings hand to head and swoons dramatically.*

But the shows you love that don’t make it out of the first season? Well, that’s its own special brand of horror. They’re around just long enough for you to get invested and then they disappear.

*Starts to get up, realizes the shows are still gone, succumbs to unconsciousness once again.*

The only upside here is that when I finish the stories in my head, everyone gets a happy ending. As a result, all the fictional characters from my stories hate the fictional characters that other people create. I’m so much nicer to those guys.

Anyhoo, here are five shows which have stuck with me even after the networks have yelled “Cut!”

• Cupid

Debuted: 1998

Lasted: 15 episodes (1 unaired)

Reason I loved it: Cupid or not Cupid? That was the question. I was a believer. More importantly, this was the definition of a “feel-good” show. Every episode had me smiling and left me with a serious case of the warm-and-fuzzies.

• Freaks and Geeks

Debuted: 1999

Lasted: 18 episodes

Reason I loved it: I laughed, I cried, I empathized so much with the awkwardness I wanted to look away…but…just…couldn’t.

• Firefly

Debuted: 2002

Lasted: 14 episodes

Reason I loved it: A space western? Yes, please. The world that this story took place in was fantastic. And the characters? I loved them all. Even when I wanted to throw things at them. I wanted to know everything about them. Thankfully, we got a movie, so at least I know where the Reavers came from, but I still have more questions!

• Jake 2.0

Debuted: 2003

Lasted: 16 episodes

Reason I loved it: It had spies, nerds and nanobot-infection-superpowers. It was my dream life. And, also, I wanted Jake and Diane to have nerdy superpower babies.

• The Unusuals

Debuted: 2009

Lasted: 10 episodes

Reason I loved it: The characters, first and foremost. Everyone of them was a little bizarre and quirky, without ever being a caricature. There were reasons for their weirdness and I loved them for it. And, having worked with people who have spoken about themselves in the third person, I will always have a soft spot for Eddie Alvarez.

Feel free to add to my list! I’m always interested in seeking out more shows that will leave me elated and ticked off.

Bad Movies/Good Party Themes: Grind Super Bowl Garage Sale

Well, it’s Superbowl weekend! Which is super exciting if you’re a fan of the two teams playing or of football in general.

I, personally, don’t happen to be such a fan, but am friends with many such folks. So, why not throw a Superbowl party? Only one that doesn’t have anything to do with football. Do it on Saturday so as not to interfere with the plans of any of those who do elect to watch the game. And offer up something that has all the same allure of this grand sporting event.

Something, for example, like the cinematic classic Grind.

Competitive event. Underdog story. Product placement. Mildly uncomfortable dance number in the middle.

What else can you ask for from a Super Bowl party?

Ah, yes, commercials. Well….I know! Tell everyone to bring one old thing that they’re looking to unload. The movie is an hour and forty-five glorious minutes. Pause it every thirty-five and allow the guests to put forth their best pitches as to why everyone else needs to have what they’re getting rid of. And let the bidding commence.

So break out your foam fingers. Recommend your attendees practice the wave. Wrangle up some artery-hardening food.

And get ready to scream at the TV.

Crackerjack dialogue to look forward to:

-          “Wake up, and smell the desperation.”

-          “Okay, you know what? I just got peed on.”

-          “I’m gonna snap your neck like a glowstick.”

Tagline: Live Fast…Play Hard…Die Laughing…

For a Grind Super Bowl Garage Sale of your very own, here’s what you need:

-          Grind (2003)

-          Festive attire consisting of your favorite team shirts - whether they be in the traditional athletic vein or one of these bad boys, all that matters is that you’re cheering for someone.

-          Things you plan to pass on to the next lucky individual (ex. Faux mustache collection minus the handlebar, fuzzy dice without the rope to hang them, Rubik’s Cube with half the stickers pulled off, etc.)

-          Food. It doesn’t matter what, as long as it’s not healthy.

-          A group of skateboarding road trip enthusiasts and/or folks in the midst of winter cleaning and/or people who believe you’re going to play “best of” clips of past Super Bowls in preparation for the big game.

History or Future?

Probably at this point we’ve all seen some version of the magical age change story. Whether it’s the child’s mind in a suddenly adult body, a la Big or 13 Going On 30. Or the 17 Again route, with the adult suddenly finding himself in a younger version of himself.

The hero or heroine makes a wish. A wish to be at a different place in their lives. To fast forward or rewind. To get to that ideal age where all problems disappear. To be young again and without responsibility. To be older, independent and in control of their own lives.

Or if not to reach an exact ideal age, then maybe speed things up a bit. Josh Baskin just wanted to be bigger.

It never quite works out as planned, of course. Because there is no true ideal age where lives is entirely without problems. There’s no real short cut to things, which is the point of these movies.

That being said, it would be kind of fun. Wouldn’t it? I mean, if I knew it was temporary, I think I’d enjoy some age bending insanity.

So, forward or back? I think I’d choose back. Maybe to about ten or eleven. We went to Niagara Falls that year and I got some pretty sweet Star Wars jigsaw puzzles. So, good times.

Though this choice has less to do with wanting to see if I can beat my best puzzle time and more to do with not wanting to know the future. Say I was suddenly transported to my seventies. Maybe my life is great, maybe it’s not. Either way, I have work to do when I’m put back into my regular body. If it’s good, gotta make sure I make all the right choices to get me there. If it’s not, then I need to figure out all the missteps made along the way. Takes all the fun out of living.

I like thinking about the possibilities of the future, hence my enjoyment of futuristic science fiction. But I don’t want to know anything for a fact. Ruins the surprise. And probably why I got my degree in history and not futurism.

What about you? Forward or back? 

Medicinal Movies

I’ve been under the weather the last few days. And you know what? Sick days just aren’t as fun as they were when I was a kid.

I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that now I have to do everything for myself. Get my own soup. Make sure tissues are stocked up. Tuck myself into bed. Try to remember where in the name of all that is good and holy I put my coloring books.

There’s more work involved as a grown up. Can’t just flop on the couch and moan all day. There still has to be some level of productivity.

One thing, though, has stayed the same.* The sick day movies.

You know, those movies that you watched when you were a kid and still give you the warm and fuzzies now, so you put them on when your body is rebelling against you as a sort of brain medicine? In between the sniffling and hacking up a lung, they make you smile. And when you inevitably succumb to medicine halfway through and fall asleep, you’re more than happy to start them all over when consciousness returns.

Here are my top five:

• Star Wars

• The Princess Bride

• Romancing the Stone

• Newsies

• The Mighty Ducks

What are yours? Because if I don’t shake the ickiness soon, I’m going to need some recommendations.

*Okay, two things are the same. I also still get regular status checks from the parents. Only now they’re over the phone. 

Brain Overload

When was growing up, my father lived in fear of five words: “Can we go to Blockbuster?”

It’s not the he wasn’t a movie fan. He was, and is, one of the biggest I know. What he wasn’t a fan of was the time it took me to pick out a movie.

You see, it wasn’t enough for me to just rent a movie. I had to rent the PERFECT movie. You know...the one where after I chose it, confetti would rain down and everyone in the store would cease their own movie search to clap and cheer as I ran toward the counter, bestowing high-fives on them all.

That perfect movie.

And I had a process. First I had to choose the genre. Then I had to read the back covers of pretty much every movie in those aisles. Then I had to take into account my mood and the moods I perceived in anyone who might be watching it with me.

On a good night, I was out within an hour. On a less decisive one, I was out when my father threw me over his shoulder and marched out the door.

He would valiantly try to speed the process along. He’d offer suggestions of movies that he thought I would love. I’d listen very nicely, thank him for telling me about said film, and tell him I would certainly keep it in mind during my deliberations. I honestly can’t tell you how many times, after another forty-five minutes or so of waffling, I would end up choosing dad’s suggestions.

And I would, of course, love it.

But come the next foray into Blockbuster, poor dad would be left standing there in the aisle holding his suggestion whilst I scampered off to look into another fifteen movies.

I used to think that I wouldn’t get sucked into such a time vortex if I had all these movies at home. It was the whole having to leave the house to get them that made me so intent on picking the perfect one. Because I couldn’t just switch to another if I decided I didn’t like once I got home.

But the other night I decided I was going to watch something on Netflix. I was in the mood for a comedy, so I clicked the tab and they popped up. Forty minutes later I was still scrolling. Still trying to decide between the five or so that I had whittled down to.

WHICH WAS THE PERFECT ONE?

*Cut to me rocking back and forth in a corner muttering movie titles under my breath.*

Turns out it has nothing to do with travel time.

Nope. Apparently, my brain just stops functioning at its normal pace when presented with that many story options. Good to know.

Plus side, at least now my dad doesn’t have to stand in an aisle, beating his head against a wall, whilst I peruse.

So…you’re welcome, dad.