Tuesday, August 28, 2012

They're Watching Me....

You know that moment in pretty much every suspenseful movie or television show, where the character is in the parking structure and you just know that the bad guy is about to jump out?

Well, I’m not worried about assassins or super-spies rolling out from behind the concrete pillars as I walk to my car. No, the threat to me is much more terrifying, though albeit of a less imposing stature.

The squirrels have escalated their surveillance.

Going into this crusade, I knew that my anti-squirrel message would draw attention from the rodent overlords, but I will admit, I did not think they’d up the battle quite so quickly.

Alas, my naïveté is now gone.

As mentioned in previous missives, when I began communicating this message of resistance, the squirrels quickly set up shop in the tree outside my apartment. They’ve followed my sister to work. And they may or may not have recently deposited one of their fallen comrades into my parents’ chimney. Reports on this atrocity are still coming in.

And now they’ve bunkered down in the parking structure across from my office. When Roomie and I went to lunch yesterday, we found three of them waiting at the entrance. They were positioned strategically, two above, one below.

As we walked by, they did not flinch from our stares. They held their ground, their tiny heads shifting slightly as their cold eyes tracked our movements.

I’m not ashamed to say that I fear the beasts. It would be the height of hubris not to maintain a healthy degree of caution. But this is not to say that I surrendered to their advances.


Roomie and I did some reconnoitering and found that they’ve set up their war room in an opening in the parking structure ceiling. We will continue to monitor their actions.

Before closing, I must give you this final warning: The squirrels must have realized that we know their troop categorization because these new surveillance squirrels appear to be a combination of the CSOF and Ninja Squirrels. And their starting them younger. These were no hardened, embittered, old-General squirrels. These were young squirrel babies. Do not, under any circumstances, allow your guard to drop when you see them. They may be rookies, but they are highly skilled, acorn-throwing machines.

Be well.

Fight on.

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