Tuesday, March 26, 2013

If you'll excuse me, I'll be hiding under the bed...

I’ve seen a whole slew of previews for two new TV shows lately, Bates Motel and Hannibal. I really, really hate seeing these advertisements.


Because they make me want to watch the shows.

I have never been able to successfully sit through a full viewing of the movies these shows are prequeling. I was a freshman in high school when I saw the climactic scene of Psycho on one of those TMC top hundred lists. It was maybe a five minute clip. Just enough to scare me out of my mind. And result in a deep seated fear of men in shawls.

Hannibal the Cannibal? Hello nightmares. I know only the unfortunately bare bones of his story. Which is the way I like it.

When it comes to this stuff, I believe the clinical term used to describe a person such as myself is scaredy-cat. A title I’m very comfortable with.

So sweet baby monkeys WHY do I want to watch these TV shows??

I know how these two men turn out. Spoiler alert – no so great. You know, because of all the lack of social graces and killing and what not.

But then the previews come on. Hannibal has me ready to throw things at the TV in about half a second. And maybe shout, How do you not already see he’s a lunatic? Bates Motel is even more nefarious getting my brain to scream, How??? How did he get from point A to point B? Always crazy? Just a little off but pushed to the other side of the line? I must know!

Damn it.

I have, however, come up with a solution. I shall be running, whilst yelling at the top of my lungs, from the room whenever these come on the screen. I will not let them draw me in!

Otherwise, I’ll go broke from the purchase of additional blankets under which to burrow, the never-ending phone calls home to the parents, and the constant leaving on of all the lights (not to mention engendering the hatred of environmental groups). Just a little too expensive for my tastes.

And the paralyzing fear? That ain’t so hot neither.

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